Melting My Heart…

About ten years ago, I moved to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. My husband was going to school, working a full time job, and studying. Somewhere in all of that, he was supposed to spend time with Bear (who was 1 1/2 years old at the time) and me. Needless to say, it didn’t happen very often and it was often difficult. During the following four years, we had another child (Miss) and moved to a slightly bigger apartment on campus. It was still really rough and our family had a hard time, like so many student families do.

Looking back, I really disliked the snow. Here, it gets an average of 15 feet of snow a year. That’s just an average and we have had way more and a little bit less in years past.

I am an INSIDE person. I do not enjoy being cold. Living and growing up in Southwestern Idaho, we did not get 3 feet of snow let alone 15 feet. It was dry and the skies were always a beautiful blue. Even in winter. It’s so beautiful, it looks fake!!! The picture below is Boise, which was a 40 minute drive from where I grew up.

Here where we live, it’s not blue. It’s grey. Sometimes white. But mostly grey.

Snowfun5I have always struggled with this lack of color. I struggle in my own home when there’s nothing on the walls. Now, it’s everywhere for months! The snow usually flies before Halloween and falls continually (at least it feels like it does) until May. We can’t even THINK of planting a garden until June 1st.

I had always thought that when my honey graduated, we would be on the first train out of here. I had no doubt in my mind that that was what we were going to do… but the Lord had a different plan for us. Through fasting, many prayers, blessings, and more, we slowly realized that Heavenly Father meant for us to stay right here. Lets just say I let a few tears go. I did not want to live here forever.

Proverbs 31:21

Fast forward a few years to the present. I have harbored this hatred of snow and cold in my heart for a long time. It’s all ironic actually… especially when my children love it and we listened to the movie Frozen non-stop for a long, long time. Yes, “Love will thaw a frozen heart.” Nice. But, to be honest? I’m realizing that I am truly dragging myself down. I struggle with doing things and going outside. I dread putting all of the layers on and feeling my nose hairs freeze (a sure sign it’s below zero degrees).  I am truly only hurting myself. Having held onto this feeling for so long though, the thought of trying to change has made me feel as though I am betraying myself. Is that weird?!

Snowfun4

I have prayed and prayed for help. I have prayed for the thaw to come, and recently I’ve been given wonderful revelation from Heavenly Father to help me on my journey. I first saw an article floating around Facebook about the Norwegian secret to enjoying long winters. It made total sense. If you CHOOSE to see fun and joy in the winter, you will find it. Snow has been coming at me from all sides and I need to stop using my lovely hashtag #winterwonderhell I have used for so long. I will CHOOSE to use good, and positive words to describe my surroundings…. like #happysnow. I will CHOOSE to find joy in every day, whether inside or out. I will CHOOSE to see the beauty in the white and grey that my world currently is. I CHOOSE to be happy and to melt my hatred of snow. Am I there? Heck no. But I’m on my way.

Snowfun3 Snowfun6 Snowfun1

One thing I enjoy is poetry, so I decided to take pictures of my snowy landscapes and insert poetry I love. Enjoy Robert Frost’s “Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening.”

BranchesPoem

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